Saturday, September 1, 2012

I write, therefore I am. Lately, I am nothing.

Writer’s block is a bitch.  I am supposedly a writer, yet I cannot for the life of me get words out of my muddled brain.  So, I thought I would write about not being able to write.  Maybe this will get me out of my writing funk.  So here goes it.

I am not sure if I can explain just how frustrating it is to not be able to write, when that is the ultimate career I wish to pursue.  It’s like a basketball player not being able to shoot a damn ball.  So, I sit at the computer day after day, with ideas in my head, but no words or story to follow.  It’s creative purgatory, just staring at a blank screen with nothing being written.  Even now, it has taken me the better part of 20 minutes just to write what you have thus far read.  Bloody hell.

My brain is foggy is the problem.  When my brain is foggy due to the stressors of life, my creativity is stifled.  If I told you what has happened to me in the past 12 months, you would understand.  I’m lost creatively, lost career wise, lost love life wise, just lost in general.  So through all the worry, concern (although I am somehow rather happy), my creativity is stifled.  What is one to do? 

I would love to go on vacation, but haven’t the funds.  I would love to get a new job, but don’t have much of a passion for much, nor the skills to command a six-figure salary at the moment.  I want a new car, a new home, a facial, a massage, and shoes, but cannot make those things happen at the moment.

I need a muse.  I am not quite sure how to go about doing that.  I am not sure what it is going to take to light a fire under my ass to finally get things moving.  I need to write damn it!  This is going to be my bread and butter.  My rapier wit and funny persiflage is going to fill my bank account and allow me to fly first class so my long legs have somewhere to go without fear of blood clots.  My sarcasm is going to win me awards and get me on the red carpet.  My inappropriate humor will ensure my retirement.  Damn it, I must write!!  My damn life and future depends on it. 

So, what should I do I ask you?  Here I am, asking for your opinion.  Help a girl out.  I would love to write more than one blog a year, and I have a couple books and a screenplay in my head, lock safe without a key.  I just can’t figure it out. 

I have heard, “just write.”  So that is what I did today.  I wrote.  It’s not my best or funniest thing I have ever written, however I am trying to get out of my funk.  So, I wrote, and I will, I must, continue to write.  Maybe that is all it is, I’m just out of practice.  Just as with anything, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  So, here I go again…