Wednesday, May 1, 2013

A Letter From My Future Self

I know that I am not the only one who has gone through trying times.  I know that people have it much worse than I, and I know that I am probably worse off than others.  However, I do not think that that changes the fact that when we hurt, or are stressed, that we all feel it one way or another.  Pain is pain.  Many times, it seems like it will never get better.  I myself have been saying for years every New Years that “this year is going to be great!  Fuck you (insert previous year)!  You can take all the shit you have flung my way and bake it into a shit pie and eat it!  And then I hope you step on a Lego!”  But you know what happened?  The upcoming year sucked more hairy balls than the previous in one form or another or a combination of the two, and it was as though I was stepping on proverbial Lego's.  

I always remained positive, saying things happen for a reason, and things are going to get better, and that if this didn’t happen, then it wouldn’t have led to this which then led to that which was possibly a good thing.  However, then the thing that I thought was so great ended up being shitty, to which I then said “this is happening for a reason,” and in other instances, “this is a lesson learned.”  Honestly, the only lesson I have learned time and again in the past several years is that I am a complete idiot.  

No really, I am.  I have made some seriously poor choices in so many aspects of my life that if I were a prisoner, the acts of idiotic recidivism would have caused me to violate the Three Strikes rule tenfold causing me to suffer a life sentence in a corner with a dunce hat having to repeat over and over “I’m a bad girl.”  I am not sure why I do such things.  Am I a masochist?  Do I secretly like to suffer?  Was it because my brother and sister dropped me on my head on a concrete floor when I was a baby (true story)?  Did I sniff too much rubber cement and markers in elementary school?  There could be a number of reasons.  Or, as I have previously pointed out, I am just an idiot.

So, I have decided to try to give myself a little encouragement in the continued time of confusion and heartache.  To help assuage the fact that my life is not where it was supposed to be at this point, and give me strength now that I am finally growing out of a stage of arrested development.  And that despite my idiotic life choices, I have to somehow have faith that things are going to get better.  So, I am going to be showing you a letter to me from my future self to help get me through these trying times.  I hope that maybe something there will help you.  It turns out, I’m pretty awesome, and so is my life.

Dear Yasmine,

This is your future self.  I am writing to tell you to hang in there.  I know things have been really tough, and that sometimes you just want to run away and go back to mom and dad and feel safe again, or even sometimes thinking about just ending things.  I am telling you, DO NOT, under any circumstances, do any of those.  I know it’s tough, trust me, I went through it (duh) a few years ago.  But I swear to you, it’s going to get so much better.  Let me just tell you about your life. 

First, you’re married to the most wonderful guy, Joe M.  I can’t say his last name for privacy because I know you are going to post this on your blog.  He’s smart, funny, TALL, kind, caring, generous, and loves you more than anything in the world.  We are each others lives.  He makes you so happy that sometimes you think it’s a dream.  But it’s not.  It’s your life.  No one has ever been as good to you as Joe has been.  You never fight, but argue over little things and you always end up laughing about it.  Life is easy with him.  Love is easy with him.  He is so incredibly supportive in every way possible.  When you met him, all the bad things went away.  Even your friends noticed how “light” you became almost overnight.  He made you trust again, and you have never shed one tear with him, other than tears from laughing so freaking hard.  You should see the way he looks at you.  He tells you that you are beautiful every day, and loves your body no matter if you are in shape or not.  He just loves you and everything about you, and you him.  Trust me when I say that you are so lucky that it never worked out with anyone else.  He is also an incredible father.

Yes, you are a mommy.  You have three beautiful kids.  They are all tall, and too smart for their own good.  It’s as though you never really had a life before you had them.  It was more like they were taking a nap, and they finally woke up.  They bring so much joy to you and Joe, and they are so loved by the two of you.  They never go one day without a countless number of hugs and kisses, and hear that you love them every day.  They are just really great kids.  Don’t be scared, you are a really great mom, and Joe thinks so too.

I also want to tell you not to beat yourself up about your looks.  I swear to you, you are beautiful.  I know your confidence has been shot lately and you don’t feel it, but you are.  I hate to say it, but you are only going to get older, and you will never look as good as you do at this age.  So enjoy it.  Don’t get me wrong, you still look great for your age now, but still, time catches up with you.  I know you will start to believe it soon, because when I look back at pictures now, I don’t think “I wish I appreciated how I looked then.”  So good job on getting over that, and don’t let what anyone says get to you.  It is only their insecurities being projected towards you.  Be confident, hell, be arrogant if you have to.  Fuck them, you’re a sexy beast.  Just because a few people don’t see you that way, doesn’t mean the majority of people don’t either.   

Now about what you do for work.  You don’t work anymore, you have a paid hobby.  You sold the show you are writing right now not long after you finished it, which then led to you selling the show that you had written with Louie a few years ago.  You became a show runner for both, but took some time off when you got pregnant with your first baby.  You also wrote your two novels, which are both best sellers, and are both being turned into feature films.  Since you are a mom first, you have taken a step back from being too involved in all those projects, but you are a producer on them.  You are doing what makes you happy, and that is creating.

I don’t want to give too much away, because I want to leave you with a lot of surprises.  Just know though, you have traveled the world, you have amazing friends and family in your life.  You have made some amazing memories, and you are still making more.  You have scrapbooks filled with amazing times and some great stories that you tell your children.  Most of all, you need to know this, you are happy, truly and utterly happy.  You have never felt that before, however, time wise, you are not far from it.  And believe it or not, it just seems to get better every day.  All your dreams have come true, even ones you didn't know you had.  Just hang in there.  Don’t give up.  You’re not broken.  It’s going to get better very soon.  Trust me.  You’re not an idiot, and everything does happen for a reason.  

Your Future Self