Monday, January 17, 2011

An Oldie But a Goodie (First of Many)

Since I have been absent from the blogosphere due to a wicked case of writer's block, I have decided to share with my loyal nine followers some of my old Myspace blogs (do you even remember Myspace?), of which I used to contribute regularly.  Some are dated but funny (at least I would like to think so), but some are still relevant.  I believe that the one below is, because although is was some time ago (I shan't tell you exactly as it would date me), when I read it, it shocked me how my life has not changed in all this time.  I still have the same feelings, the same problems, and the same loneliness.  More so now as my sister moved out of California over two years ago, and my best friend/cousin/bff/soul mate has also moved out of the L.A. area.  If anything, I am even lonelier now because of their leaving, and I thought by this time things would have been better.  But this is life, and although I do not have my loved ones geographically close to me, I know that they are there for me.  So, I thought I would share, and I hope you enjoy some of my earlier work.  Who knows, maybe I can get my followers up to a whopping 10 :)

"2_ and Fabulous, albeit a bit lonely"

Well, it is official. My golden birthday has come and gone, and I am creeping closer and closer to 30 than feels comfortable. But I am okay with that.

One of my friends took pity on me tonight, and took me out for a couple of birthday drinks. I have him to thank for sparing me the actions of downing an entire bottle of Aleve, chased by a bottle of vodka, and then followed by an attempt to take a razor to my arms. Okay, that was a bit dramatic. He really only saved me from watching Ghost Whisperer alone and eating a pint of ice cream. Which I ended up doing when I got home anyway thanks to the wonderful world of DVR. Sans the ice cream however (yes, I watch that show. I like it, and I am not ashamed. And I would kill for Jennifer Love Hewitt’s breasts).

Another realization I had is that now that I am older, I really have to start watching what I eat more closely since I will not be able to burn it off as easily. What the hell am I talking about? I was never able to burn it off, and I am thinner now than I was as a teen. I just cannot eat is basically what I am getting at, because that is how I lost the weight in the first place. Either way, I must stay away from the ice cream. And cake. And cupcakes. And fries. Mmmmm, fries.

Anyway, as I wipe the drool away from my chin and keep wishing for a freakishly fast metabolism, back to the story. I cannot remember what I was getting at, but I think the basic gist was that although I could not see my friends or family, I am glad someone took me out, and showed me they cared. And that is all a girl needs. A phone call and/or a hug.

But this whole ordeal made me realize how much I miss my friends and family. I realize that I have a lot of people that I know, but not many true friends whom I can call and just say "Hey, is it cool to come over and watch "Lost" with you?" I know that some of you who may read this might think I am getting a little touchy, or may get upset because I am not calling you a friend, but I do not mean it as an insult. It is just a fact.

For my own little birthday treat, I went to the Getty Center today. Alone. Do not get me wrong, I really enjoyed my time alone there. I walked around in their garden, took in the view, read on the terrace, and enjoyed multi-million dollar paintings. It was lovely, and I need to do things like that more often. But I could not think of anyone to call though who would have gone with me. So many people are busy, so many people have other lives, and especially in this town, it is hard to become a fixture into those lives. It is an eternal hover on the outskirts. I guess lucky for me, although it kind of sucks sometimes, I can do many things alone. Like going to a museum, movie, mall, or coffee shop alone without feeling judged. However, I miss those times where I would go with a girlfriend and just be able to talk and be girlie and get a yay or nay on an article of clothing, or be able to discuss a movie after having seen it, or talk about a piece of art and take in a view.

The older I get, even though technically I am still quite young, the more I realize how important it is to have people you can call on. It does not have to be a posse of 20, but at least a couple of true, true friends. Ones that will pick you up if you need a ride, someone to count on for a ride to the airport, someone who will bring you soup if you are sick, someone to just be lazy with, and for certain people that will help you move without having to bribe them. True friends like that, which are a rarity.  No matter what, people need others and a human connection, or life is not worth living with no one to share it with.

I am still smart, gorgeous, and fucking fabulous. However, I am for sure more than a little lonely in this City of Angels. Sometimes so lonely it is palpable. It is not enough to make me leave, but enough to make me wish for my mommy and daddy when I am feeling blue to feel that unconditional love that I am missing out here, and so desperately wish I had.

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