First, a preface to those of you who have no idea what the hell I am talking about. I am on a mission to change referring to oneself as fat, to fluffy. Hence, fluff = fat. Fluffy just sounds nicer and more positive than fat. Just try it out. “I’m feeling fluffy,” “I’m having a fluff day.” Sounds cute and more positive, right? Also, fluffy is when you are not quite thin, but not fat. Yes, I know this seems like a contradiction, but at a certain point of weight, it is not fluff, and no matter what words you use it just is not cute. And it is my word, so I get to place rules of its usage as I please.
Fluffy is, as I refer to myself, being on the chubby side of thin. Do not confuse fluffy with poufy, which is a whole different state of being. Poufy is a nice way of saying bloated. Can you imagine having a fluffy poufy day? I have, and it is a recipe for disaster. But that is a whole different topic. Back to fluff.
For example, I have gained 20 lbs of fluff in the past couple of years. So I am not fat, but rather as aforementioned, on the chubby side of thin. I cannot fit comfortably into clothes that were once loose, and now I have a bloody muffin top. Now do not get me wrong, I am not on a roller coaster of self pity wanting compliments. Please do not tell me to love myself, because I do. That is why I am trying to make myself better. But this current state of fluff makes me want to cry and eat my feelings, but that is what got me into this current state to begin with.
So now, my only option is to try the model diet of not eating, with a few modifications. I know it is not really my ONLY option, but I hate sweating, so working out is out of the question at the moment. Deal with it. Also, buying a new wardrobe is also out of the question. I do not have the funds and will not reward weight gain in such a way. Besides, the model diet will not only allow me to fit in said clothes, but will save a ton on groceries and therefore allow me to buy something pretty.
So I am going to try to live on water, green tea, a fruit and/or a vegetable a day until I lose the fluff, with the occasional can of tuna or popcorn if I feel faint. Wish me luck. I know this might be more calories than the average model consumes and minus the cigarettes, but I do not want to be icky skinny, which is different than thin, yet again, a whole different topic.
And so today I embark on said model diet. Will I last? I hope so. Will it work? I hope so. Will I keep the weight off if it works? Probably not all of it, but that is what dieting all over again is for. Will I be cranky? Yes, yes I will, and I will probably cry a lot too. Should I just be happy with my body? Yes, but honestly, I just do not feel comfortable and simply feel better at a lower weight, and living in L.A. and trying to break into an industry where I am viewed as old and fat does not help either. I love how just getting on a plane to another city makes me young and thin again. Except when I go home and family is all too quick to point out that I have gained weight. And people wonder why I have body issues.
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