Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Part of Me Died on Monday :(

As you all have heard by now, Ricky Martin came out of the closet.  Yes, this was not a surprise to all of you, but for some of us who have been living in the sweet denial that he was straight and we actually had a chance with him, it was a sad, sad day.  We no longer have a chance with Ricky, but gay boys, rejoice, he is all yours.  Be kind to him.

I still remember the day my cousin told me about this hot Latin guy named Ricky Martin, and had me listen to "La Copa de la Vida."  I am not a fan of soccer, but that day I yelled goal.  This is before his soaring fame in the U.S. and "Livin' La Vida Loca" infamy.  He was our little secret, along with all of Latin America, and his sweet bon bon was all ours.  He was our Elvis without the jumpsuit.

After that fateful Grammy performance in 1999, everyone had heard about Ricky Martin.  From there on, he was everywhere.  Including a live performance and signing at the previous Tower Records on Sunset Blvd. in Los Angeles.  I had just moved to San Diego at the time, was unfamiliar with Southern California, and I was determined to meet my man.

I woke up uncharacteristically at 5 a.m. (I never woke up before noon if I did not have to) to get ready for the two hour drive to L.A.  I get there safely and without trouble, and find the obvious line that was forming to meet him.  Where did all of these bitches come from?  Do they not know he is mine?  After being herded into the parking lot to wait in line to see him, then began the wait.  One hour.  Two hours.  Three hours.  Four hours.  Did I mention that it was a very hot day?  Well, it was, and there was no water or food in sight.  In fact, some people actually passed out from the heat, but I stood strong. 

And then he came.  Although he was several hours late due to interviews and needing to do some yoga, we still rejoiced!  He was here!  He was now going to sing for us!  No he wasn't!  Apparently, the sound system failed, and so said performance was now canceled.  Dammit!  It's okay I kept reminding myself, I am still going to meet him, and he will be entranced by my beauty and will pull me aside, after which he will fall madly in love and marry me.  Yeah, it did not quite go as I imagined it.

So, after so many disappointments, and another two hours waiting in the sun to actually get inside and get his autograph, I am literally the next one in line at the door to be let in.  I am reeling with excitement.  This is it!  I am finally going to meet him in person!  My heart is beating, my stomach is fluttering, it's going to happen!  No, not really!  I was foiled yet again!  What does the cat herder at the door tell me?  He is not signing autographs anymore because he wants to meet everyone.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  I am the next person in line!  You cannot do this to me!

Well, they did that to me.  When it was finally my turn to go in, I was rushed through.  "Go, go!" they were telling me.  As I rushed through, they handed me a black and white photo of him with the autograph already imposed on it, a chain necklace that read "Loca" on it (which I still have), and then, there he was.  He was a vision to behold.  I can truly say he is the most beautiful man I have ever seen.  So I walk up to the elevated table at which he was sitting to get my quick handshake, and he says to me, "Hola.  Thank you for coming.  Thank you so much for coming."  I stare into his beautiful eyes, and all I can say to him before I was ushered out so the next bitch behind me can get her five second handshake was "ekh."  Yes, I ekhed at him in disgust then walked away shaking my head in disappointment.

That was it!  After a 10 hour freaking day, all I got was an hola and a bloody necklace?!  As I stood outside the door, I stared at the photo and necklace in one hand, and then at my empty hand that touched Ricky.  Damn it, I felt robbed.  And that is exactly why I started yelling "all you get is this stupid necklace!" at people in line after I left.  That they may as well not waste their time since you don't get to stand there, chat and take a picture with him.  A necklace, a handshake and a don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. 

After all of that, I still loved him.  Loved him so much that I covered most of San Diego in a period of 40 minutes going to four different Ticket Masters to buy tickets to his concert in Portland, OR.  But that is a different story.

So as you can see, I went to great lengths for Ricky Martin.  This is why the news of his now confirmed homosexuality has hurt me so.  Do not get me wrong, I love my gays, I am all for same-sex marriage, homosexuals serving in the military and having the same rights as everyone because damn it, we are all human.  But why did Ricky have to be gay!  Why?  Oh well, somethings are just too beautiful and not long for this world, and I guess it is better knowing that since I cannot have him, no woman ever will. I will never be able to compete with a penis.  But the loss of hope is devastating, and it will take me a while to get over this loss.

Ricky, if you read this, I still love you, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.  But you owe me a proper meet and greet dammit.

1 comment:

  1. LMAO!!! You are one funny woman.. I think I saw three of my neighbors peek out their window to check out who the crazy laughing woman was.. Good stuff!! looking forward to your next blog!!

    xoxoxo
    niddo

    ReplyDelete